The news we feared

Mike and I went with Mom to the oncologist appointment on Friday, and heard what we were afraid we might: Mom has pancreatic cancer, which is treatable, but not curable. The prognosis, then, is pretty bleak - around 25% to 30% of patients will still be alive a year after diagnosis.

The doctor recommends chemotherapy, which in this case sounds like an easy decision in part because most people handle the treatments well, with little nausea and fatigue, and no hair loss. To balance that, lest you get too enthusiastic, is the fact that a relatively small number of patients with this cancer actually benefit from the chemo. The plan is for once-a-week chemo treatments for three weeks, then a week off. This continues for as long as the body tolerates it and as long as it shows benefit. She'll probably start late next week.

I guess that all qualifies as bad news. Is there good news? Mom is a little shocked, like the rest of us, but is in good spirits, amazingly enough. I can't speak for her, but I think we have a lot of things to be grateful for.

• We have a large and loving extended family, and we had a wonderful Christmas in Utah.
  
• Mom is a member of the Mormon church, and they've been incredibly supportive and generous.
  
• She also has a lot of good and generous friends who are offering meals, help with errands, and friendship.
• We have my brother Mike, who has been a pillar of strength during this event and last year, going through his own medical crisis when he had a brain tumor removed.
• When my Uncle Bob, Pat's brother, died 15 months ago, we had his family to show us how its done - how to be present and loving and supportive as Bob died.
• And for now, I have my loving Mother. I'm glad I get to spend a lot more time with her during this precious time. Time is always precious, but we rarely know it...
  

I have one request for the people reading this: don't go silent on us. A lot of times people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything. Or they don't want to feel awkward. Well, feel awkward, don't worry so much about saying the right thing, and post a comment, or call, or write an e-mail. It's a precious time. Like it always is...

Much love,
Dave